Thursday, May 05, 2016

Keeping Life Interesting

I like to keep things interesting here at the Pittard hacienda. Today, I found a post I'd done on Facebook seven years ago and it made me laugh so hard I had to share it here.

Ways to Keep Your Husband's Life Interesting

1. Leave a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" laying around the house. Don't mention it, and act casual.

2. Prepare your husband's favorite meal, and have the house spotless. Just before he arrives home from work, move the car somewhere out of sight. When he walks in the door, be sugary sweet to him and when he asks about the car, change the subject.

3. Gradually replace all of his pants and underwear with exact copies that are one size smaller.

4. Every time he calls throughout the day, have one of the children answer. Instruct them to tell him that Mommy can't talk right now, then change the subject.

5. If your husband wears contacts and they are different prescriptions, swap the lids on his contact case every night.

6. Call your husband several times during the day asking where various tools are kept. "Honey, where's the chainsaw? Thanks! Bye." After several calls, make one last call asking exactly how high the credit limit is on the Visa card, and what the current balance is.

7. Have various friends (whose voices he won't recognize) call your husband's cell phone during the day asking questions about the house he has up for sale. Just before he arrives home, place a For Sale sign in the front yard.

8. Replace your regular coffee and tea with decaf.

So naturally, I had to try one of these out this morning. We had the following conversation via text message. (Note the times.)

Me:  8:57 am: Do we have a chainsaw?

Jeff:  8:58 am: Yes. Why?

Me:  8:59 am: Just curious.

Me:   9:48 am: Where's your drill?

Jeff:  9:49 am: That is a very good question.

Jeff:  9:50 am: Chainsaw? Drill? What on earth is going on over there?

Me:  10:38 am: What's the credit limit on our credit card?

10:38:30 am: *Phone Rings* (after laughing hysterically, I answer.)

Me: (innocently) Hello?

Jeff: What in the world are you doing?

Me: (still trying to be casual) I was just curious.

Jeff: First you ask about the chainsaw, then the drill ... I don't like any of these questions put together.

Me: So, did you have that apple cake for breakfast?

Jeff: Yeah, it didn't last past 7.

Me: Okay, well, I gotta go.

Jeff: (not distracted at all from his point) You've answered none of my questions.

Me: (barely suppressing my laughter) It's nothing, I'm just taking inventory.

Jeff: All right. I'll be keeping a very close eye on our finances.


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